The holiday season is upon us, and while this time of year is often full of fun, family gatherings, and celebrations, it can also increase food and body preoccupation. For those vulnerable to weight stigma, disordered eating, and body image issues, the holidays often bring up these challenges more due to unhelpful food and body comments from loved ones.

Here are some gentle yet firm ways to respond to these comments, along with tips for setting boundaries.

Responses to comments about body size or weight (“You look so thin!” or “You’ve gained weight!”)

These comments can be particularly troublesome for someone suffering from an eating disorder or body changes due to medications or other health concerns. Being direct about how these comments make you or your loved one feel sets a firm boundary. If you feel safe enough, consider offering ways that they can support you.

EXAMPLES:

“I appreciate your concern, and I would like to avoid drawing attention to my/their body because it is not helpful.”

“Instead of commenting on weight, I would appreciate it if you could (i.e., educate yourself on eating disorders, listen openly and respectfully, ask how I’m feeling, talk about hobbies/interests).”

Responses to comments about food (“Are you really going to eat all that?” or “That food is unhealthy.”)

Food comments often reflect the commenter’s own complex relationship with food. If this is someone you feel comfortable with, consider a gentle response to dig deeper into their concerns. You can also give a firm answer to halt further comments.

EXAMPLES:

“It sounds like you’re worried about my eating. Can we talk about this privately?”

“How you choose to eat is your business, and how I eat is mine.”

Responses to diet culture comments (“I’m going to have to work out a lot to make up for eating all this!”)

According to Christy Harrison, non-diet dietitian and author of Anti-Diet, diet culture is a system of beliefs that equates thinness with health, beauty, and morality and conflates worth with body size. It normalizes unhealthy eating and exercise patterns that are focused on control and rigidity rather than balance and flexibility. A short rebuttal can bring awareness to and deflect these norms.

EXAMPLES:

“Your body doesn’t have to earn the food you eat.”

“I disagree with equating exercise to punishment for feeding myself.”

Additional tips for boundary-setting:

BE PROACTIVE:

If you are hosting and feel comfortable, share some specific ground rules at family gatherings to limit conversations around food and bodies.

SET FIRM BOUNDARIES:

Remember, “no” is a complete sentence. Simply stating “Please don’t joke about that” can also be effective.

CHANGE THE SUBJECT:

Asking, “Can we talk about something else?” can make it clear the conversation feels uncomfortable (and you probably aren’t the only one who feels this way!).

SAY NOTHING:

You aren’t obligated to respond at all. Ignoring a comment can help diffuse the conversation quickly.

Julia Noel, MS, RD, LDN, CDCES, CIEC, is a Nutrition Therapist at Memphis Nutrition Group, a nutrition and lifestyle counseling practice offering in-person and virtual nutrition therapy specializing in a non-diet, weight-neutral approach. Contact Memphis Nutrition Group at 901.343.6146 or visit MemphisNutritionGroup.com for more information.

 

By Julia Noel, MS, RD, LDN, CDCES, CIEC